Problems & Pitfalls In International Dating

You Men

• are not going to come to Russia and get married at all, but write to amuse yourself. In my view it is very similar to spam, or even worse. Do you like getting a lot of stuff in your mailbox that you do not need at all? When you send a lot of it to a lady who is looking for a husband, you take her time and do not let her meet another men who can be serious. And, unlike spam, she has to answer each email rather than delete it and forget about it. Think again, do you like spam (that you must answer)? Do you like it when someone wastes your time and attention? Do unto others as you would be done by. Do not be a jerk, be a man. If you want a penpal, make it clear and do not make false promises
• sincerely believe that every girl in Russia has a computer, an unlimited Internet connection and speaks fluent English. If you still do not understand, I will tell you the truth: it is not the case. People in Russia speak English much worse than in Western Europe and only those well-off (who comprise only a small part of the population) can afford an Internet connection which is very expensive and unreliable here
• write your lady every day and are offended when she does not answer you as often, even if you know very well that unlike you she has to translate your letters and has no computer and as a result must go somewhere to an agency or an Internet cafe to send you a letter
• on getting the first letter from a lady, think if it is a form letter sent to many men and are angry if it is; at the same time you do the same. Or even if you do not, think anyway, if a woman has received a few hundred letters within a few days after publishing her profile and she likes most of them but cannot choose the best men for certain, can she answer everyone in person? Remember, even if you are different, 90% of men do not go further than a few letters and then disappear; if you answer all of them in person, you will miss someone else who can be more important for you. Typically, a woman will read your letter, think if she wants to know more about you and send you her introduction letter which just cannot be different every time even if she wants it to because she will basically write the same things that are written in the first introductory letter. She will usually change it a little according to yours. And that is not an autoresponder at all and no need to be offended!
• send her lots of URLs and cannot realize that she does not have an Internet connection to browse through them, let alone the fact that she does not understand English
• expect her to come to you in the US at her expense after a few days' correspondence
• take her in for many months, promising to come very soon and then disappear without a word
• arriving in Russia, try to live in her apartment in order to save on accommodation costs and try to have a good time at her expense
• write that you want to marry and actually come but in fact you just look for somebody to spend your vacation with without your wife’s having many chances to learn about it
• worry too much about a translator reading your letters although it is his or her work and they do not care what you write at all. Do not confuse a translator with an old busybody! At the same time you do not want to provide English lessons for your lady
• look silly when you ask a hundred times if the girl really exists while actually speaking to her on the telephone and demand her street address, phone number, although it is her privacy and she, in her turn, should not trust you too much after a few letters. It looks especially silly when you send her ten long letters a day telling how much you love her and when she finally asks you to pay for the Internet services and translation of your mail (which is not cheap in Russia), you say that you will do it only when she proves to you that she does exist and it is not a scam. If you suspect that is a scam, how can you write that you love her?
• having been scammed once, suspect a scam everywhere but still start correspondence with ladies from agencies that warn you that their services are not free for you, and still are infuriated when asked to pay. So what was the point of going there if you knew all along that you would be asked to pay? You do not like it when someone wastes your time, do you?
• dealing with an honest agency or a translator who are not trying to rip you off and let you correspond for free at the beginning, behave like a scammer and disappear although you promised to pay, you know that she exists and pays nothing to the agency. Some men are even so cheeky that they will ask for more free letters, saying “I haven't gotten to know her that well, let us correspond for a while longer and I will pay. Well, a few more letters. Sorry, I cannot pay now, meanwhile there is a letter for her. Oh, I know that it is time to pay and of course I will but I am short of money now, you know. Oh, you have read all of my letters and you should know that $40 a month is a fortune for me. Can you cut it down? By the way, is there a letter for me?”, etc. As a result, agencies demand prepayment. Well, I really hope that you are not one of these jerks and if you are treated honestly, you will do the same
• being quite old, not just lie about your age, but persistently try to find a girl who is 25 at the oldest. Well, if you are 70 and like those funny stories of a young woman marrying an old man and giving him some poison—find an 18-year-old and have fun! But remember: most scams involve young women, let alone the fact that most young girls are flippant and do not know what they want

Girls

• chronically do not want to write letters and think that someone else will do it for them. And actually some agencies do; see above for the results
• think that getting married is easy as pie and the man will do everything, so they do not have to worry
• when speaking with the man via an interpreter
  • ask a question but do not wait for an answer and start speaking. Moreover, tend to speak simultaneously with the other person although both good form and plain logic say that if a person is speaking, you should listen to him, listen to the translation, understand what he said, think what you want to say and only after that all open your mouth
  • go into hysteric if the man has gotten into conversation with the interpreter of his own free will. Elementary politeness requires that the latter keep the ball rolling and it is stupid to think that the interpreter is trying to get the attention, but some stupid girls will even ask who did you come to—to her or to the interpreter
  • sometimes forget that it is not they who pays the interpreter and try to boss him or her around
• go crazy on seeing a lot of money and sometimes do something really nasty
• forget themselves at all and think that the man at her side is actually her husband and she can do anything
• keep silent as a captured ninja and look at the window, as if it were the best way to get to know the man and start good longlasting relationship
• write him that they do not smoke but actually do
• are very happy to get money for English classes from the man (or, sometimes, from the men) and are even happier to spend it on anything but English. As a result, you have to hire an interpreter anyway and if it is an agency, you can have some of the problems described above and have to pay again for her classes; but when she comes to you in the USA she is helpless like a child because a language cannot be learned in a few months
• refuse to make love to the man even a day before he leaves, although they will never buy a pair of shoes without trying it on. However, shoes can be sold or thrown away easily but you cannot do it to your spouse and sex is much more than just fitting one’s foot and not breaking it
• make a living by fooling men and getting money from them without ever going to get married